Somewhere Along The Way
by inkwriter822
Summary: "There were exactly three things that I had decided. I don't know exactly when I decided them, it just happened."  Sam learns that life is too short to hold back. Eventual SEDDIE. Please review! More to come! I Hope you Enjoy! :
1. Prologue

**Hi, this is my first iCarly story. I hope you like it! There will be more to come! Happy reading!**

There were exactly three things that I had decided. I don't know exactly when I decided them, it just happened.

Before I go on, let me just make a few things clear. I still love meat. I still vow never to become one of those prissy girly girls. And I'm still Sam Puckett.

However, I tend to push boundaries to get what I want. And what the heart wants the heart gets. And sometimes what the heart wants is something completely different than what you thought. That's what happened to me. My heart changed somewhere along the way.

I remember it being around the middle of Junior Year. I had already taken my PSATS and done fairly well on them. But I'd never admit that to anyone. I felt like I had a reputation to live up to as the school bully who thought education was for chumps. But the truth was that I was actually very smart. Don't get me wrong, at the time I hated effort. It all just seemed like extra work. But I never had a problem understanding things whether it was math, grammar, history, science, or whatever. I always knew the answers. But I never bothered to apply myself or do the work. That's why everyone thought I was the stupid blonde girl. No one saw my potential. And that's just how I wanted it.

But then things started to not go my way. No matter what I did, I began to feel like people were better than me.

Carly and Freddie started to talk about all their college options 24/7, and we were only juniors. I started to slip out of conversations because I obviously had no options. I was seen as the failure. While my two best friends would get scholarships to Harvard or Yale, I'd be the one living in cardboard boxes eating gum of the side walk and selling my 'virginity' to any man that would take me.

And no one bothered to tell that I was going nowhere in life. Partly because they were afraid I'd beat them up and partly because they just knew that I was a lost cause. But I could tell by the way they looked at me with disappointment basically written on their foreheads, that they thought I was worthless.

It was then that things turned for the worst.

I started losing sleep, eating less, and becoming even crankier than I was before, all because the stress started to become too overwhelming. I began to believe all the things that I found written about me in the stalls in the girl's bathroom. Everyone was imagining their future. But no matter how hard I tried to picture myself, I couldn't. I figured that I had no future, and that the farthest I'd go in life was six feet under the ground, out of everyone else's way.

But I wasn't going to give up. Sam Puckett could take on anything. If there was one thing I was good at it was getting what I wanted. And I wanted a future. I wanted to go places in life and have a family and make money.

So I decided. And it was the very first thing that I had decided. I decided that I would stop being a lazy ass and start doing the work. I decided that life was too short not to put in any effort. And more importantly, I decided that I wanted to be a chef. Yup, you read it right. Sam Puckett was going to be a Chef.

And I suppose that's where it all began.


	2. Chicken, Musk, and Flowers

**Hey! Here's Chapter does! I hope you like reading it! I know it's a bit different than other stories. Feel free to review and give some constructive criticism. Enjoy! Hasta La Pasta!**

I cut the breaded chicken in half and placed the Swiss cheese inside, right under some ham. Folding the chicken breast I put the chicken in the oven. That was the easy part.

I started working on a special sauce for the Chicken. I called it "Momma's Secret Sauce". Of course the name was simple, but was still a secret so I'm not giving away what the ingredients were.

I was preparing Chicken Cordon Blue. It was something I'd never had before but I remember always wanting to try it. I was in Carly's kitchen and she and Spencer had gone to Yakima to visit their granddad for the weekend.

As I waited for the chicken to cook I lied down on their couch and watched some Girly Cow, my favorite show. It was

Just then Freddie Burst through the door.

"Hola Sam! What goes on?" Freddie shut the front door. He smiled his usual smile and it made me feel funny in my stomach. It was a hard feeling to describe. I just remember that it was tingly. But I waved it off.

"Sup Fredwad?" I nodded in his direction and he raised his eyebrows for some reason.

"Where's Carly?" he asked as he sat down next to me on the couch.

I rolled my eyes. Of course he only wanted to know where Carly was. There was always a part of me that envied Carly for some reason that I didn't understand.

"She's in Yakima with Spencer. She won't be back until late Sunday night."

Freddie looked disgusted. "Great, two whole days with Princess Puckett. Just my luck." Freddie said.

"Ah, Freddie! Is da wittle boy scared of spending time with Momma Sam without his wittle precious Cawrly."

I expected him to fight back but instead he just stood up and smiled. I have to admit I was taken back a bit.

"What?" I said coldly.

"You called me Freddie." He smirked at me as he put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. He looked really cute when he did that.

I didn't know how to respond. I sat there awkwardly on the couch staring at him blankly with my mouth slightly open.

Thankfully the silence was filled with the oven going off. Saved by the Bell.

I shot up immediately and ran towards the oven thankful to get out of the awkward. I could fell Freddie watching me though and it made me feel very self conscience.

I took the chicken out of the oven and I could swear it was the most delightful looking thing that I had ever made. The cheese had spilled gracefully out of the center of the chicken and the bread crumbs made the chicken a golden brown.

I smiled as I placed the hot cooking sheet on the counter and smelled the chicken aroma with a sense of pride.

Freddie was silent as he made his way over to the counter and sat down on one of the stools. He watched me as I took the chicken and placed it neatly on a crisp white plate. I took my special sauce and poured some on the chicken. Then for the final touch I took a little basil and placed it on top of the chicken like it was a work of Art.

Just then I noticed Freddie's eyes looking into mine. I paused for just a moment and tried to get his attention on the chicken.

"Hungry?" I smiled as I held the plate up to my face and then waved it around in his.

Freddie bit his lip and then smiled.

"I thought you'd never ask." Freddie said as he grabbed a fork and knife and took the first bite of my masterpiece.

His eyes widened as he chewed. "Oh my God!"

"Is it that bad?" I frowned "Of course it's bad to you! Nubs have no taste in food!"

He gave me the 'look' but smiled after that. "Are you kidding Sam? This is literally the most amazing thing I've ever tasted! What is this sauce?"

"Now that's a secret!" I said while smiling and grabbing a fork for myself. I took a bite as well, and it felt like a million different flavors exploded in my mouth in perfect harmony.

"Wait a sec." Freddie thought for a moment. "Since when did you cook? I mean, I know you love food, but I've never seen you make anything fancier than cereal."

I shrugged. I figured I could just tell Freddie part of my master plan to become a master chef.

I sighed. "Don't laugh, but….I want to be a chef."

I was waiting for the giggles but there was nothing.

"Cool, I think you'd be really good at it." Freddie said. And I could tell he wasn't just being nice. For the first time in a while, I felt like someone believed in me, even if it was just because I made them Chicken Cordon Blue.

"Thanks." I nodded to him gratefully.

After we finished the chicken, we hung out together. We played video games, watched some movies, and we even threw water balloons at hobos. I never thought Freddie could be so fun. I was impressed.

It was midnight when we sat out on the fire escape in two red lawn chairs, listening to his Pear Pod with his doc. We sat in silence for a while listening to the melodies of the music mixed in with the sound of the traffic eight stories blow.

For a while our hands were placed in our own laps, behaving themselves. But somehow, they ended up flopping to our sides. My right hand was slightly touching Freddie's left hand. It was a small connection but somehow it just felt right. Neither one of us dared to move. I could feel his pulse through our hands.

Just then I starting thinking about life. I thought about my mom and Melanie. I thought about Carly. I thought about the amazing chicken I had made earlier that evening. I thought about everything. I thought about Freddie.

"Sam?" Freddie interrupted my thoughts about him.

I looked over at the beautiful boy cautiously. For some reason, whenever it was just the two of us, we were friends, good friends.

"Yeah Benson?"

"You ever think about life?"

I found it funny how that was what I was just thinking about. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, aren't you worried about your future?" his voice started to get louder.

I turned my head away from him. I didn't want to look in his eyes and get caught off guard.

I nodded slowly. He was still staring at me.

"I mean….you _needs_ to wake up Sam! How are you ever going to make it in this world if you don't try?" At this point he was yelling at me.

"I know." I said very quietly.

"You're never going to amount to anything if you don't start putting your act together and do what you're supposed to do. I mean, you can't just ho-"

"I KNOW!" I shouted very loudly. I heard my voice echo in the street. I even stunned myself.

Freddie looked shocked. I thought it was because I just screamed at the top of my lungs, but I was wrong. I realized this as I felt a drop roll down my cheek and splatter on the arm of the chair. I was crying. Sam Puckett was crying.

We both sat silently for the next ten minutes, facing the street. Freddie was nervously fiddling with his fingers staring blankly into space. I folded my arms across my chest and bobbed my foot up and down over and over again. You could feel the awkward.

"Sam."

I stayed silent but I glanced over in Freddie's direction. He was staring at me again. I've always admired him for that. Whenever he has something to say he'll look you in the eye. It was hard for me to look anyone in the eye whenever emotions were involved.

"I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business, but I'm….worried about you. I want you to do well cause I just want you to be a happy. I know we fight a lot, but that doesn't change the fact that we are still good friends and I _care_ about you. And I know that deep down you care about me too." Freddie shined under the moon as he said this.

I nodded and this time, I looked directly into his eyes.

"Thank you Fred….nub" he laughed as I said this. "I care about you too."

"Isn't that what I just said?" he smirked in my direction, making my heart skip a beat.

I got up from my chair as starting walking into the building when-

"Wait." He said. I turned around and he was already standing up. It was then that I noticed that his tight blue shirt made his muscles stand out. His hair blew in the wind slightly and the moon made his skin sparkle. His eyes burned with desire and he stepped towards me a little.

"Yeah?" I faced him and I realized I was biting my lips. He stepped closer and closer to me until he was only about five inches away. I could feel his warm breath falling on me. He looked down into my eyes and I looked up at his chocolate orbs.

"I hate you." Freddie smiled.

I smiled at this. "Hate you too."

And then we hugged. It was nice. I felt his _buff_ chest rise and fall as he sighed into our hug. He squeezed me tightly and rubbed my back. I smelled his shirt without him noticing making sure to capture every part of this moment. He smelled a little musky but at the same time he smelled like flowers. I could feel his chin on top of my head and I wondered what he was thinking.

I think we hugged for at least five minutes before breaking apart.

I sighed contently before turning away and quietly stepping inside the window without looking back. But for the second time that night I could feel his eyes on my back, except this time the energy was different. It was happy.

Something had changed between us that night, but I wasn't sure what it was yet. Something good though.

As I waited for the elevator I swore I could hear _Running Away _by A.M. playing from not too far away. It made me smile.

Then I heard:

"FREDDIE!"

"Oh MOM! I was just OUTSIDE!"

"Do you need a Tick bath?"

"No!"

I laughed and then I burped loudly, tasting Chicken Cordon Blue, Musk, and Flowers. Delightful.


	3. Who Knew Cleaning could lead to this

**Hey People! I just want to take a moment to thank you guys for reading. Sorry if the Characters seem a little OOC. But then again, this is a story about changing. But please review and give me any ideas you have. My writing style is kind of weird, but I hope you'll like it. I try to make it easy to understand. Anyways! Enjoy!**

It was Sunday. The rain poured heavily onto the pavement. I took a deep breath as I remembered what it was like to hug Freddie. I could still smell him. I could still feel his arms around me. I couldn't put my finger on it but I was starting to feel different around him. Not in a bad way. I didn't know what I was feeling. Oh stupid emotions.

I was still lying in bed, but I was wide awake. I didn't want to get up though. There was something about cuddling in a bed with the rain pattering the roof that made me calm. And Sam Puckett has a hard time feeling calm.

I remembered that I promised myself to stop being so lazy so I sat up in my bed and let my eyes adjust to the light. Looking around my room, I started to feel depressed. My room was small, but I loved it. The walls were painted a light green that made me feel like I was lived in a breezy meadow. The light hardwood floors had a fluffy brown area rug that I loved to sink my feet into. There were two large windows that had Roman Blinds and Silky light blue curtains that caressed the floor. My furniture was all beige and my full sized bed was covered with a fluffy white comforter and a light blue throw blanket. Sure it wasn't Carly's room, but it's what made me happy.

But back to the 'being depressed' part. My beautiful room was unseen. Every square inch was covered with grossness. The rug was covered in my cloths. Some were clean while most were dirty. My comforter was tousled everywhere and there was food on all the furniture. Ewe. I never realized how gross I was before.

So I took another step into my first decision. I cleaned my room. I know right. Sam Puckett cleaning something by choice! Windex. Lysol. Febreze. Pledge. Bissell. Every cleaning product known to man. I scrubbed. I put away things. And I even cleaned under my bed. And finally I was done.

But I couldn't stop. I wanted this change, and in order to do that I had to be completely organized. So for the duration of that Sunday, I cleaned my whole house. Even. The. Bathroom. By the end of the day I couldn't recognize my house. It was beautiful.

I heard the front door open and then shut. At the same time I heard lots of laughter, and then it abruptly stopped.

Mom.

By that time I was done with the whole house and I was sitting in my room, trying to do my homework. I know that's pretty shocking but it was part of my plan.

I pressed my ear up to the door, waiting for my mom's reaction to her new and improved home.

"Ricardo, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I heard her say.

I raised an eyebrow at this. Mom never asked a guy to leave before.

"But Pam baby….your house is clean. Don't you want to make is _dirty_ again."

I was scarred for life.

But then I heard a loud slap sound and then a cry of pain.

"Way to go mom." I smiled. I knew I got my attitude from somewhere.

I heard the door shut again and I decided it was safe to go say hi to my mom.

I ran down the stairs to find my mom with her mouth wide open. She looked at me and smiled. And then she hugged me. She hugged me hard.

What's with all these hugs lately?

"Thanks Sammy."

"No problem mom."

I'd never forget the day I cleaned my room

…

The alarm clock buzzed loudly making me hate Mondays all the more. Let's face it, no matter how much I tried to change; I'd always hate that sound.

I got up and smiled when I saw my clean room. Change wasn't always that bad.

I roamed through my closet trying to pick something to wear. You know those days when you feel like looking amazing for no particular reason. It was one of those days.

I feel like when you're trying to change, you need to really change. You can't just skimp out on a few parts so that's what I was trying to do. So even what I wore to school mattered. But like I said way before, I'm not girly, so no worries.

I wore a pair of dark washed skinny jeans that hugged me in _all_ the right places. Hey, tomboys like to feel sexy too. Anyways, I put on my favorite bra, just for an extra boost of hidden confidence. It was dark purple and lacey. Then I put on a shirt I got from Forever 21. It was a sweater that was a nice grey color and it wrapped tightly around my hips but then lightly billowed at the top. It had two purple-ish flowery designs on it. (**a/n, I want you guys to know exactly what I mean so click the link or copy it into your browser: ?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=top%5Fcasual&product%5Fid=2081641788&Page=3&pgcount=25)**

I put on a long brass colored necklace with an old-looking clock thingy dangling on it. Then I put on a pair of tall caramel colored suede fringe boots that Carly had gotten me for my birthday one year. I decided to do something different with my hair so I twisted it into a messy bun and I even braided my bangs back making them bump up a little bit. It was cool. And _no_ I was _not_ being girly.

I applied my usual makeup (yes I do wear makeup), grabbed my book bag, and went downstairs for breakfast.

I was surprised to see my mom that morning. Usually she's dressed in tacky whore cloths and is hung over, still in bed. But When I came down she seemed very cheerful. She was wearing a simple pair of jeans and a nice casual green sweater. She was wearing makeup but not as much as she usually did. Then I smelled the delicious aroma of eggs, bacon, and…hash browns?

"Hi mom." I said suspiciously.

She turned around and smiled. Then she gave me a big hug. I noticed that for once she didn't smell like alcohol and seedy night club. She smelled like a mom.

"Good morning Sam!" she said, still hugging me.

"Morning' mom." I said casually. "What's the occasion?" I asked, gesturing to her cooking. The last time she cooked like this, was, well…..let's just say she hasn't cooked like this.

I sat down and started to eat my breakfast. I was surprised to see that it was actually very good.

"Well Sam, I'm going to be completely honest with you. You see when I came home last night to see what a beautiful job you did cleaning, it just made me feel….icky."

I frowned. Icky?

"I loved it so much and then I realized how much you've changed over the years. And I realized that I haven't been quite fair to you."

"What do you mean?"

"After your father died, I became very depressed. You were too little to remember but I wasn't always a scummy mom. I used to be normal."

"Really?" I said laughing.

"Yes, and like I said, when Henry died, I became depressed. And I became a nasty person. I stopped taking care of my kids the way I should've and I starting dating the worst men. And when Melanie went away I had you, and you, you caused so much trouble. And it didn't help that our family was so screwed up.

"But I started to think that there was no hope left. So I didn't even try to be a good role model. So yesterday when I came home, you made me see the good. And I realized that it's time to accept the fact that Henry is gone and that he wouldn't want it to be like this. So I did a little cleaning myself. I promise Sam, things are going to change. I don't want this to be your future Sam.

"But you gotta promise me that from now on you're going to behave and give a little effort into your school work. I know you're already a junior, but it's never too late darling. Sure, I don't see any scholarships happening, but your father left you money in his will Sam, for college. I just…..I just want you to be happy. I'm not asking you to change. I'm just asking you to realize that your future is important, and that I love you. Promise me."

I looked at my mom, stunned. She never told me about my Dad before. I never knew how much it pained her. Wow, this was turning out to be some morning.

"Well, mom, actually, I have been giving a lot of thought into my future lately. It's just, I feel like everyone has one, a future, but me. I just…I promise."

My mom smiled and I could swear that she was about to cry with joy.

"Well, I got a job." Pam smiled.

I perked up. "You did? As what?"

"Well, it's a small job, but it could lead to other things. I'm going to be a singer at a fancy club. You know the ones with fancy pianos and waiters in black vests and bow ties. And they pay well."

My mom always did love to sing. "I'm so happy for you." I said. I gave her one last hug and started to walk out the front door.

"And I'm so proud in you." I heard my mom say before I quietly shut the front door, and went to school, smiling.


	4. Greasy English

**Well, here ya go! Enjoy please! And Review Please!**

I got to school before anyone else did. The only sound in the hallway was the sound of a copy machine in the distance and me opening my locker to get my books.

Then I heard the entrance door open and shut quickly, followed by the sound of someone's feet scuffing the ground. I'd know those footsteps anywhere.

Freddie was looking at his phone as he rounded the corner to go to his locker. I continued to get some books out of my locker and he walked past me.

But then he stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around with a confused look on his face. I was facing him at this point and the look on his face was priceless.

"Sup Freddork." I nodded in his direction.

"Sam?" Freddie questioned. It's understandable. I was wearing my hair differently than usual and my outfit choice didn't exactly scream my name.

"No chizz. Why are you here so early?" I asked.

Freddie raised his eyebrow. For some reason, my stomach tingled ever so slightly when he did this. Then he smirked. More tingles.

"I should say the same to you Puckett."

"Well, I'm here because…." Wait, why was I there so early. "I actually have no idea. My mom and I were having conversation about stuff, and then I came here."

"Oh, well I'm here this early every day."

"Oh coarse you are." I teased.

"Hey, make fun of me all you want, but if you had a crazy mom like mine then you'd know what I mean."

I shrugged and then started to walk towards my class. English. Then I noticed that Freddie was following me.

I turned around rapidly and suddenly he bumped into me, wondering why I had stopped. He backed off for a moment, and gave me another confused look.

"What's the big idea?" I asked.

"What! I have English too. Jesus Sam, we're friends and you can't even stand me walking to class with you. God Damn it!" Freddie frowned.

"Oh. Sorry." I said.

"Wait…What?" Freddie tilted his head.

"What do you mean "what"?

"Did you just say sorry to me?"

I sighed not realizing why this was such a big deal. "So? Don't you remember this weekend on the fire escape?"

"So?"

I rolled my eyes. "Freddie, Momma doesn't give hugs that often, especially to nubs like you. So, I saying sorry to you for a small misunderstanding isn't a big deal. Just like me calling you Freddie when I'm trying to be serious."

Freddie just smiled shook his head. "Whatever you say."

I walked over to a wall and let myself slide down the wall, until I was seated.

Freddie came over to me and did the same. Still ten minutes until people would start coming.

"So what's up?" Freddie asked smiling at me.

I thought about this. "Well, yesterday I spent the day cleaning my house and doing homework. Then-"

"Wait wait wait….Sam Puckett….doing homework…and cleaning….How?"

I shrugged. "I'm trying this new thing. Yeah it's called not be lazy."

Freddie seemed impressed. "Does this have anything to do with Friday?"

I remembered Freddie telling me that I needed to get my act together.

"Freddie can I be honest with you for a moment."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Well. I'd hope you'd be honest with me all the time, but sure go ahead."

"Well, before last Friday, you know when we were on the fire escape, I was kind of feeling….depressed."

Freddie widened his eyes a little. I guess he didn't realize this.

"It actually started a couple of months ago, back in the summer. You and Carly started talking about the future and I realized that I had none. I was…scared. I actually…well, please don't freak out ok."

"What?" Freddie was really listening to me.

"I started eating drastically less, and I went to the doctor and he said that I had been on the verge of getting anorexia."

Freddie's eyes widened even more. "What? Sam are you okay. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm fine now. Trust me, momma's never going to be anorexic. I love food too much. But I also stopped sleeping as much. So I started to feel like my world was falling apart. And so well, I decided that I'm going to change."

"Change? But Sam….I….I don't want you to change."

Now it was my turn to give him a confused wide eyed look.

"Freddie, don't worry. I'll always think of you as a dork. I'll always love meat. And I'll never turn into one of those prissy girls who only are about makeup. I'm still Sam. I'm just the Sam that doesn't want to end up homeless."

Freddie nodded. "Okay, well then in that case, I'm proud of you."

I shrugged and looked away, clasping my hands together in my lap. But then I felt something on my cheek. It had only been there for two seconds but I still felt it there afterwards. Freddie's lips.

I jolted my head up and looked in his direction. He faced his head down and he was blushing ferociously. I was about to say something when

"Sam? Why are you here so early? And how come you and Freddie haven't killed each other?" Carly teased. Oh Carly.

"Carly!" I smiled, genuinely happy to see my best friend. I got up and hugged her tightly. I realized that when I did this my shirt had rose up a little bit and showed a bit of my stomach. I could feel Freddie staring at my skin. What was going on?

I pulled my shirt down a little bit as Carly was examining my outfit.

"Wow Sam, you look great!" Carly laughed as I twirled around for her to admire my outfit.

"Thanks. How was _Yuk_ima?"

"Sam." Carly gave me a warning look but then laughed at my joke. She couldn't deny her hatred for that place.

"Same old same old. What did you guys do when I was gone?" She said, looking at Freddie who at some point had gotten up and made his way next to me. When did that happen?

Freddie looked at me and I looked at him, both of us knowing that we didn't want to tell her about the fire escape.

"I….worked on my English assignment the whole weekend." Freddie said.

"And I….um….ate stuff…and um…..yeah." I said.

Carly gave the both of us a funny look. "Ok then."

The bell sounded and we all went into our English class. I did something I never did before. I sat…in the front row. Freddie and Carly usually sit in the back with me so they started walking towards the back but stopped when they realized I wasn't there. They turned and walked to the front and awkwardly sat on either side of me.

I smirked at myself. It was kinda fun to surprise people.

"Ok students!" said our teacher, Mr. Buckley. "Today we're going to present our creative writing pieces to the class. Anyone want to go first?"

No one raised their hand. I was just about to when Mr. Buckley called on Freddie to read his. I watched has he sighed but stood up in the front on the class. He looked at his paper and took a deep breath.

"_There are some things I just don't understand. I understand math, science, and technology, but there is just one thing I can't get. No matter how I try I don't think I ever will. I just don't get it. I don't get her."_

For some reason when Freddie said "her" he looked at me. Oh no.

"_I don't get why she feels alone, when I'm here for her. I don't understand why she feels scared, when I'll protect her. I don't understand I she feels unloved, when I love her."_

Oh my God. No, this is just fiction. Of course Freddie just made this up. And he probably didn't even look at me before. I definitely imagined that. Yeah definitely.

"_Maybe it's because she's vulnerable. She tries to make us see her ways but there is so much we don't know. There's so much she tries to hide, like why she acts the way she does. I don't understand why she feels like she needs to hide, when I'll find her. No matter what it takes."_

Freddie folded the piece of paper. I looked around the room to see all the guys bored and all the girls drooling over Freddie. Oh give me a break.

"Very nice Freddie." Said Mr. Buckley.

Before he could pick someone else I raised my hand."Mr. B, I'd like to go now."

Everyone in class looked horrified. Everyone but Freddie, who just looked lost in thought.

Mr. Buckley sighed. "Alright, let's just get this over with. Go on."

I nodded and stood up in front of the class.

My turn.

"_Most people just want to fit in. They want to be liked. They want to be accepted. And it seems that everything's fine, when really, it's all just an act. Some people might say that I'm a terrible actress. But who says I'm acting. I'm not trying to be something I'm not. I breathe the same air as others, but I exhale something completely different. I have the same sight as others, yet I see the world like no other. I have the same nose, but when I smell, I'm not just smelling roses or coffee. I'm experiencing something that other people don't understand. The sounds, aromas, and sights around me all make me he girl I am. And I am Sam. Take it or leave it."_

I put my paper down and looked towards the class. Everyone's eyes were wide. I saw Freddie smirk. Carly raised her eyebrows. Mr. Buckley nodded his head in approval.

"Job well done Sam. Job well done."

And with that, I began to realize that success felt good.

The whole day went on like this. In math I was the only one who answered "the toughest problem known to man" correctly. In science I stunned students with my "Big Band theory" essay. And in history we had a debate and no one could top what I had to say. It was a great day.

After school I waited for Freddie to get out of A.V. club. Carly had gone with her boyfriend, Adam, to Groovie Smoothie.

I walked around for a bit until I found myself in front of the Auditorium. About ten students were all surrounding the place. They seemed to be rehearsing lines or something to themselves.

I saw Wendy focusing on a piece of paper.

"Hey Wendy!"

She looked up at her paper and smiled when she saw me. "Oh hey Sam! Are you auditioning too?"

"For what?"

Wendy laughed. "For the musical silly. We're doing _Grease_ this year."

"Um, no I'm just waiting for someone."

"Oh that's too bad."

I was about to walk away. But then I thought about it. I know I can sing. I know I can act. And colleges do look for things like this. Heck, why not?

"Wait, Wendy?" I said, biting my lip.

"Yeah?"

"Um, what do you have to do to audition?"

"Seriously? Wow, that's great. Well, you need to sing a song and you need a monologue of some sort."

"Hmmm." I slumped. What was I going to sing? Do I even have a monologue?

"I don't think I even have a monologue." I said.

"Oh come on Sam, it doesn't matter what it's about. Mine's so stupid." She said, showing me hers. It was pretty silly. It was about some farmer milking his goat.

Just then I had an idea. "Hey, is there any way people can audition together?"

"Yeah sure, why?"

"Ok, well, I started working on a monologue thingy for a segment on iCarly. It's about person trying to sell pickles to an old lady."

"I don't know Sam." Wendy scratched her head.

"Let me at least show it to you." I said, reaching into my backpack and taking out the script.

She looked at it for a moment.

"You know what. Let's do it." Wendy said, nodding her head in approval.

"Thanks Wendy!" I said.

Soon it was our turn to audition. We walked into the auditorium together and made ur way onto the stage. I didn't recognize the lady who was in charge, but her name was Mrs. Darla. She was big and she wore the tiniest glasses.

"Names please." She said. She didn't smile, or frown, or show any signs of judgment. I liked her already. And I like the fact that she didn't know me. It felt like a fresh start.

"Wendy."

"Sam."

"Ok, begin." She said.

I turned and paced Wendy, who was the person trying to sell me pickles.

"Hello miss, would you like some pickles?" Wendy said in a deep funny voice.

"What?" I said like an old lady.

The scene went on and we were really good actors together. I realized that I acted on iCarly all the time. By the end of the scene, Mrs. Darla was laughing hysterically.

"Okay Okay, that was good." She said. Wendy and I smiled at each other. "Now who wants to sing first?"

Wendy agreed to sing first so I listened as she sang the song "Popular." From Wicked. She sang it pretty well. A few off notes but it was still pretty good.

When she was done I stood up and went back to the stage. I could feel butterflies in my tummy. The spotlight was on me. I couldn't see the audience. This was just like When I did pageants. I could do this.

So I began.

"_Listen to the song here in my heart  
A melody I start but can't complete  
Listen to the sound from deep within  
It's only beginning to find release_

Oh, the time has come for my dreams to be heard  
They will not be pushed aside and turned  
Into your own all 'cause you won't  
Listen

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads  
I'm not at home in my own home  
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind  
You should have known

Oh, now I'm done believing you  
You don't know what I'm feeling  
I'm more than what you made of me  
I followed the voice you gave to me  
But now I've gotta find my own

You should have listened, there is someone here inside  
Someone I thought had died so long ago  
Oh, I'm screaming out and my dreams'll be heard  
They will not be pushed aside on words  
Into your own all 'cause you won't  
Listen

Listen, I am alone at a crossroads  
I'm not at home in my own home  
And I've tried and tried to say what's on mind  
You should have known

Oh, now I'm done believing you  
You don't know what I'm feeling  
I'm more than what you made of me  
I followed the voice you gave to me  
But now I've gotta find my own

I don't know where I belong  
But I'll be moving on  
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart  
A melody I start but I will complete

Oh, now I'm done believing you  
You don't know what I'm feeling  
I'm more than what you made of me  
I followed the voice you think you gave to me  
But now I've gotta find my own, my own"

By the end of the song I was out of breath, but boy did I feel good. The whole time I felt like was in my own world.

I looked and saw Wendy smiled ecstatically and giving me two thumbs up. I saw Mrs. Darla write something down and then signal for us to send the next person in.

Once we were through the auditorium doors we started doing a happy dance.

"Oh my god that felt…AMAZING!" I screamed.

"You were amazing! I never knew you could sing!" Wendy danced.

"You too! Oh My God! And what about the monologue?"

"Now _that_ was great. But I knew you would do great. The way you read your paper is English this morning kind of showed that."

"What do you mean?" Seriously what did she mean by that.

"Well, what you wrote was just so….deep. And all deep writers are good actors." Wendy chuckled.

"Yeah." I said in agreement.

"And OH MY GOD! Freddie was so cute this morning. What he wrote was so sweet."

I stopped happy dancing.

"What?" I said sternly.

She stopped dancing too. "Well, it's obviously about you. And come on he's so sweet. Like that time when he gave up that School at Sea thing to Missy."

"What are you talking about? Missy _won_ that."

"No, Freddie won it and gave it to Missy. I wonder why though." Wendy shrugged.

Oh. My. God.

He phone beeped. "Oh, I got to go. My mom's here."

"Bye." I said, still in shock.

Freddie did care. He really meant it when he said it to me on the fire escape. He cared. Oh my god. But that's not the only thing I realized.

Which brings me to the second thing I decided.

I love Freddie.

**Wow, that was kinda long! Anyway! Please Review! Thanks!**


	5. Why is this so awkward?

**DUNDUNDUUUUUN…..yeah**

I'm not sure how long the feelings have been there. But I realized that I've always liked him. All those times I saw Freddie looking adoringly at Carly, I'd start feeling this unpleasant warm feeling inside me. But I waved it off. All those times he looked at me with that same old smirk and those brilliant brown eyes, my whole body would tingle. But I pushed it to the side. Every touch. Every word. Every moment with Freddie I had those feelings. Maybe not in the beginning, but they had certainly developed over time. They became stronger every day. I was just too stupid to see why I found joy in all the wedgies and punches I gave him.

And then there was that time we kissed. Our first kiss. I remember feeling afraid, confused, and conflicted. I was afraid because in that moment the unexpected happened. Sam Puckett would never agree to kiss a nub like Freddie. But I did. And I thought I would hate it. And I was afraid because when the time came, I found myself wanting to kiss him. Not just wanting to kiss him, _needing_ to kiss him. And then I was confused because, like I said, I thought I would hate it. I was waiting for the disgust and possible vomit to come. But it didn't. I was confused because I liked it. I liked it _a lot_. And then I was conflicted. After we kissed, I would find myself off guard and for a second, and only a second, I'd have feelings for the nub. After the kiss, I felt beautiful, wonderful, and perfect.

But then I told myself that I was being stupid. Freddie was a nub. Not to mention he was in love with _Carly_. If he didn't like me, why should I like him?

But no….It wasn't till now, that I discover my true feelings. I love Freddie. _I _love Freddie. I _love_ Freddie.I love _Freddie_. _ I LOVE FREDDIE!_ But that doesn't mean he loves me.

`~o*O*o~`

Freddie was finally done with his nerd club meeting, I'm sorry, AV club meeting. I was walking up to Freddie and I found him talking to Gibby, who was incidentally, not wearing a shirt. Freddie seemed to be uncomfortable. Probably due to Gibby.

Freddie smiled when he saw me coming.

"_Oh dear."_ I thought_. "He's so darn cute.'_

Just then I didn't know what to do. I just realized I'm in love with Frednub and now I'm walking over to him. _What should I do? Should I be friendly, flirty, or what? Erg, love is so hard! What if he doesn't love me back? Just play is cool Sam, play it cool. _

"Hey Sam!" Freddie said while interrupting Gibby whole was telling him a story about some sort of man eating worm. Weird. I saw Gibby look back and forth between us knowingly but like a lot of other things, I waved it off.

"Um, Hi Freddison." I said awkwardly. Oh dear what was I doing.

Then I figured I just need to play it cool. Even going through whatever change I was at the moment, I needed to remember that I was Sam Puckett, and I was in it for me. No boy is going to get in the way of my plan. Not even Freddie.

I took a deep breath. _Freddie and I are friends. Nothing has changed. At least not yet. Okay, I really need time alone to think. _

"Hey, um, I have to go, but talk to you later?" I said awkwardly.

"Um, okay. Do you need a ride home." Freddie asked looking somewhat disappointed.

"Um, sure." I scratched my head.

Freddie said goodbye to Gibby and we walked silently to his car. He drove a small black Prius, the one his mom got him for his sixteenth birthday.

I got in the passenger seat and he obviously got it the driver's seat. But he didn't put the keys in. He sat there staring at the wheel with his hands to his sides. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. I looked out my window to avoid eye contact.

_Why was this so awkward?_

"Sam?" I heard his voice.

"Yeah?"

"I really liked your thingy in English today." He looked at me. I was still staring out the window but I could feel his eyes on my back, waiting for me to respond.

Time to be brave. I faced him.

"Thanks. Yours was pretty awesome too. You know for a nub."

"Sam?"

I sighed. "Yeah?"

There was a long moment of silence that followed after that.

"Never mind." Was all he said.

Normally I would've bugged him until he told me what he was going to say, but I didn't. I was afraid to hear what he had to say.

And I didn't know why either.

**Okay, sorry that chapter was so short. Sam's feeling more conflicted than ever. Dun Dun DUUUUUN. What will happen next? Also don't worry, things won't be so awkward later. **


	6. She knows

I lay in my bed, thinking.

"I need to stop obsessing over this!" I cried out.

My mom wasn't home yet, I guess she was still at her fancy new job. I thought about all the things that had happened that day and I felt like I needed to scream. First, I had a really serious conversation with my mom. Then for the first time ever I actually did well in school. Then I spontaneously auditioned for Grease with Wendy. And then I realized that I'm in love with Freddie. And _then_ I had probably the most awkward moment of my life. Wow…some Monday.

Everything had been so amazing up to that awkward moment. I didn't know why it was so hard to be around Freddie now that I loved him. I was still Sam and he was still Freddie. He knows pretty much everything about me.

Besides that fact that I'm in love with him

I thought about it real hard as I lay in my comfy sheets. And I made a choice. As much as I knew I loved Freddie, I wasn't ready. And neither was he. Not yet at least. It was only a few days before that I had decided that I was going to change my attitude, and I needed to take care of me before I was ready for anyone else. If Freddie was going to love me, which I wasn't even sure he would, I wanted him to love me when the time is right. Not when I'm the crazy blonde headed demon. Don't get me wrong though. I'm still going to try and get closer to him. Maybe even a little flirting here and there. But it was only the beginning of March. And if I wanted to have a good future and do what's best for me, then I had to take things one step at a time.

'o~*O*~o'

A few days had passed since that Monday and I was getting ready for school. I put on my makeup, some skinny jeans, red converse, and a blue graphic tee that said "I don't know about you, but I love green eggs and ham". I wore my hair down and my mom drove me to school.

I had been doing pretty well so far in school. My teachers started looking at me in a whole new light. And Carly didn't even once question my new attitude towards school. She just went along with it. Of course Freddie already knew my plan so what was there to question.

But even he was surprised on that oh so wonderful Friday afternoon.

It was right after lunch, I was walking with Carly and Freddie, and we saw a huge crown forming by the wall right by the side of our lockers. There appeared to be some list that everyone was looking at. And then I remembered: Grease.

I could feel my heart racing as y eyes lit up. Carly and Freddie looked at me weirdly. I hadn't told either one of them that I had auditioned in the first place. I ran forward and pushed myself through the large crowd. I saw Wendy trying to do the same and we smiled at each other. We finally stood in front of the list. Wendy grabbed my hand and held it tightly as we looked at the list. I scanned over the list until I saw Wendy's name.

_Frenchie: Wendy _

Then I was surprised to See who was playing Danny. I laughed to myself when I saw that it was _Gibby_. Who knew?

My heart stopped when I read my name.

_Sandy: Samantha Puckett_

I turned to Wendy who turned to me. She smiled. I had a dumfounded look on my face. I was playing the lead.

"I'm so happy for you! Well, and me, I was totally born to play the role of Frenchie!" Wendy hugged her and I found myself hugging her back, speechless though.

I made my way out of the large crown, still in shock. I waved to Wendy as she left and Freddie and Carly came up to me and looked at me questionably.

"Uh…What just happened?" Carly asked.

Then a smile crept on my face. I felt a sudden burst of energy pass through me as I did a little happy dance around my two best friends. Just then Gibby came up to me and joined in my little victory movement. I grabbed his hands and we jumped around in a little circle. Carly and Freddie looked at us like we were freaks on nature. But I didn't care.

"What's going on?" asked Freddie.

I stopped dancing and faced Freddie.

"Oh nothing, it's just that momma's going to be playing the lead in this year's Musical!" I gave him a little smirk.

"Oh congrats Sam!" Carly cheered as she hugged me. I hugged her back and waited for Freddie's reaction.

"I didn't know you could sing." Freddie raised an eyebrow. "When did you even audition?"

"Well, I _can_ sing and I tried out with Wendy on Monday while you were at your AV meeting."

"Oh…well, I'm happy for you!" Freddie smiled but didn't hug me or anything, which I really wanted him to do.

"Thanks." I said, moving my body a little closer to his. Carly was busy talking to Gibby. Freddie sensed the movement and finally gave in. He hugged me, and I could feel Carly looking at us like we were talking kittens.

After school I went with Gibby to the first rehearsal. Well, it was more like a meeting but whatever. Mrs. Darla congratulated everyone on their parts and handed out the scripts. She told us we had to highlight all our lines. The musical would take place right before school ended so there was a lot of work to be done.

'o~*O*~o'

After rehearsal Gibby and I walked to Carly's place to get ready for iCarly. Freddie was doing some last minute technical things and Carly was brushing her hair.

"Hey!" She said.

"Hi!" I smiled.

"You wanna sleep over tonight?" She asked.

"Sure."

"We …um…have a lot to talk about." Carly looked uncomfortable. I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, okay."

And at that moment I knew that Carly had figured me out.


	7. Understanding The Game

I watched as Freddie and Gibby left after iCarly. I sat down on Carly's couch and waited for her to talk. I knew what was coming.

Carly came into the living room carrying two glasses of Pepi Cola in her hands. She sat down on the couch and handed me my drink. I took a sip, letting the ice and bubbles dance on my tongue. Carly took a sip of hers and I could feel her watching me with suspicion. She carefully placed her drink on the coffee table and then crossed her arms in front of her chest. I finished my drink and started fidgeting with the glass, circling my fingers over the rim.

"So…" She trailed off for a moment. "What's going on?"

I sighed deeply. "Not much, what's going on wi-"

"OH SAM CUT THE CRAP!" Carly shouted angrily. "THIS PAST WEEK YOU'VE CHANGED AND I CAN SEE IT'S FOR THE BETTER BUT _PLEASE_ TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"

I waited for her to calm down. And I realized that I haven't told Carly anything. The only people I actually opened up to were my mom and Freddie. It must be killing her. Carly was my best friend and I was being unfair. I wasn't trying to keep her out. But I wasn't doing a very good job of letting her in either.

"Well, it started while you were away at Yakima. Well, it actually started happening before that…but well." I sighed again. If I could tell Freddie this then I could tell Carly.

So I did.

I told her about me almost getting anorexia, and wanting to be a chef, and the night Freddie and I hung out together, and me cleaning my house, and about the conversation with y mom, and wanting to do better in school, and auditioning for the musical, and well, everything.

Everything except for telling her that I loved Freddie.

Looks like I didn't have to.

"So Sam, why did you keep this from me?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I guess I was just kinda embarrassed."

"About what? You should be proud that you took the initiative of changing your life for the better. I respect you for that." She smiled.

"I know, and from now on I'll tell you everything." I opened my arms to hug her but nothing happened.

"Everything?" She questioned.

"Yeah." I nodded.

She was silent for a moment.

"Then why didn't you tell me that you like Freddie?" She smirked.

I swallowed. BUSTED!

"Because I don't" I said.

"Yes you do."

"No"

"yeah- huh"

"Nu-uh"

"Yeah-huh"

"Nu-UH!"

"Then tell me why you guys are suddenly hanging out together, and not insulting each other, and _hugging_ each other for crying out loud!" Carly's arms flew up in the air with frustration.

There was a long pause.

"I don't like him." I said again.

She put an angry look on her face. "Jesus Christ!" She said while getting up. She started to storm off but what I said next stopped her in her tracks.

"I fricken _love_ him Carly." It felt _so_ good to admit.

Carly stood there for a moment with her back facing me. Then she slowly spun around. Her face should have been put in the dictionary, right next to the definition of ecstatic. She paced over to the couch and sat inched away from me. I was waiting for her to crack!

She squealed the loudest, most high pitched, and longest squeal know to man. I covered my ears to block out the sound. It didn't work. Luckily Spencer was out on a date, otherwise I'm sure he would've heard, and Carly would tell he and he would blab it out.

"Oh my god! Sam! I can't believe this. Tell me EVERYTHING…NOW!" She screamed.

"Okay, well first of all, stop making my ears bleed." I glared at her.

Carly motioned for her lips to be sealed and I continued.

"Well, I realized the other day that I've always liked him, but then I realized that I love him. I mean, I just want to be near him, you know? And those GODLY muscles, and the way he smiles, and how he cares about me and it's just…I love him so much!" I sounded like such a girl.

Carly looked at me with pleading eyes and I realized she was dying to talk.

"Go ahead." I said.

"Well, does he know? Are you going to tell him?"

I bit my lip. "No, he doesn't know, and I'm not ready to tell him."

"Well when are you going to be ready?" She asked with anticipation.

"I don't know, but please don't tell _anyone_. I'll know when I'm ready."

Carly sighed with defeat. "Okay. But let me just say one thing."

"What now Shay?"

"I know he loves you back."

"How? I mean, he's loved you forever! What makes you think that he'd even like me in the first place?" I said sadly.

"How? Really Sam? It might just be by the way he looks at you when you're not looking at him. Or the way he'll do anything for you. Or how he wrote that incredible poem about you the other day."

"You don't know if he wrote that for me."

Carly gave me the "really?" look just then.

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my elbows. "Can I tell you something Carly?"

Again, she gave me the "really?" look.

"Well, I'm afraid."

"Of what?" she looked surprised. Sam Puckett wasn't afraid of anything.

"I'm afraid of Freddie liking me. I know it's weird. Typically if a girl likes, or in this case loves, a guy, then she wants to be loved back. And I do, it's just part of me is…I don't know, just scared. And it scares me even more to not know what I'm scared of!"

Carly bit her lip and appeared to be deep in thought.

I covered my face with my hands.

"Maybe you're afraid to find out what happens after you stop playing the game that you guys have been playing since, well, since forever."

I looked up at her, confused? "What game?"

"You know the one where you constantly rip on each other and insult each other. It's like if you guys stop hating each other, then it means that you guys stop caring about each other."

I thought about this for a moment. Carly Shay was a genius.

"Yeah…So what does that mean?" I asked.

"It means that you're afraid to let go of a friendship. But it also means that you're stupid."

"Stupid?"

"Yeah, stupid! Don't be afraid to let Freddie in. You'll be glad if you don't. You see, now that you're both falling for each other, playing this game won't satisfy either one of you. So now if you guys keep playing this gae, you'll be pushing each other away. Understand what I'm saying?"

"Kind of."

Carly sighed. "Just don't be afraid to let him in and when the time is right, you'll find that you're ready to…stop playing the game."

"Or Win." I laughed.

Carly laughed with me and patted me gently on the shoulder. "You'll both win the prize, I promise."

Carly was a good friend, and she told me exactly what I wanted to hear.

We hugged and then talked the whole night. I told her why I liked Freddie and she told me what's going on with her boyfriend Adam, and it all seemed right.

And there was only four months left of Junior year. I had so much going on to. The Musical, iCarly, Freddie, school!

Now I just had to brace myself.


End file.
